I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
