love makes seman taste better
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
this will be a night to untag.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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