It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
