just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
