my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize