Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
