You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
