hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
