No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
