he thought i was a dude.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
