then he tried to convert me to islam
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
