So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just pee around me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
