I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We had to coat check the pizza.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize