She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
