u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
