So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
