I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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