By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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