if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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