My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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