I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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