You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
