You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
