Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish you could order shots online.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize