just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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