I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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