No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
