mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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