I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
