you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
