Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
