I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
