the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
