I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
