It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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