So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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