This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How does it feel to date your dad?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
