the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
