I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
