I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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