Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize