You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
