I puked a lego.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
