george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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