I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
