Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
