Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
