so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
