I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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