Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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