OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
