Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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