We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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