so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
