I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
