In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
