how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
