I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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