my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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