the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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