the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize