just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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