As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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