Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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