Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
