I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
