First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
