I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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