it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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