Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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