dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
