you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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