The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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