My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize