Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
In America we eat man semen.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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