Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
