Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
