Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
