Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
