I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
