ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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