im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
