it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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