Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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