What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
