Three words: puerto rican gang bang
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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