you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
