i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
