Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
