oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
