he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
