Dual....:-)
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
