I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
