this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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